No more camera!

So I took pics yesterday of Bethanie at a Halloween party. She had soo much fun. They had games and a cake walk and even bob for apples. It was a good time. Well we get home and I am taking the stuff in and I dropped my camera! Didn't think anything of it and put it in my purse. Well I went to go take a pic this morning of Brooklyn sleeping and turned on the camera and died. The screen that you face at the thing or item your going to take a pic was completly white with a few black cracks though it! So these are pobably the last few pic you will see from me until I get it fixed or a new one. And I don't have a money tree so that may be a long time!!!

Venting!

So I never wanted this blog to be a place to be rude to someone or to through out all my probs or to gossip or to do whatever but talk about my girls and my life. Yes the is a but. I need to vent my thoughts before I explode! I am having the worst time being alone. I have a hard time thinking that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I know that I have fam and all that, but..........Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who totally loves you with all their HEART and has you placed on a silver platter? Now don't get me wrong, I would rather be dead then be with PJ, but that fear of being alone is in my mine. I look at other couples and see the love that they have for their spouse, and I wonder what happened? I don't feel like I ever had that, well maybe the first year or so. And to think I stayed for 6 years after that. I love my girls and would never trade them for anything. They are the best thing I got out of those eight years. I hope that I will learn from this and realize that I will NOT give up myself and my needs. someone once told me "in order to love someone else you must first love your self!" I believe that is true and trust me that is what I am doing. Putting myself first this time!!! I look at all I have had to give up for this divorce; my friends, my great ward, Bethanie's dance and her BF, Nat, the opp to work at home, my health insurance, and I wonder what else is going to go bad..................but then reality hits me. I love my new job, Bethanie has good friends, the ward here is great (besides we don't go to church for friends or socialization) and Bethanie can go to dance anywhere. Life is good and the Lord has made everything just fall into place and I am going to cling onto that forever!!!

Life is just not fair, according to Bethanie!

So tonight, Caitlin had some friends over to hang out. Well they decided to go jump on the tramp and Bethanie wanted to join. Well................that is kind of hard when they are all so big and jump really high. Bethanie doesn't understand that she could get hurt and that is why life isn't fair! Just look at the pics of her patiently waiting for her turn and then finally getting really upset.

That face! Can you believe it. It is so hard to be four!!!!!

Still waiting!!!!

Ok, I give up.

Well, Bethanie decided not to wait anymore. She gave in. It is so difficult for her to understand. She so wants to be 12 and a grown up. Give it time is what I tell her. Don't grow up too fast, life has just begun for you.

Family

Let me jsut say I have the best family. This time last year my sister, Heather, was expecting. I was expecting and my sister-in-law (Kat) found out that they were expecting. Oh my heck! It was great. Three women in the same fam pregnant. Well Addiosn Scoot was born February 28th, Brooklyn was born April 24th, and finally Zoe was born June 29th. So pretty much they are all twomonths apart. Tonight we had dinner at my sister Nichole's house. Addi and Brookie were on the floor playing. Addi now sits by herself and is crawling and Brookie just lays and rolls around.
This is Addison. Eight months old. Ithink she looks like a Cupie(if that is how you spell the word) Doll.
Of course, here is Brooklyn. Six months old. That girl..............what a wonderful baby. We have not had her relfux medicine for a few days and let me tell you she has been very upset. Even without it, she is pretty good to handle. My little sis had some of the med that Brooklyn takes and brought us out some. About a half hour after I gave Brooklyn some, she was as content as could be. Thank goodness for fam. Not having a job that pays every other week is hard. Now I can wait for payday and then fill Brooklyn's rx. Your a lifesaver sis, thanks!


Now Zoe is in this pic, it might be hard to see her, but she is there. She is four months soon and is jsut a doll. She looked so cute in her Boston Red Sox outfit.

I hope that these girls will be close friends and cousins. I love the fact that Bethanie and Jackson were born so close together. I see what good friends they are and am thankful that they have had each other to play with. Watching Jackson, when Heather was working was great for Bethanie. They have and still are great friends. We love you all so much. I know I have said this a thousand times and I will probably say it a thousand times more but..........Thank You all for all that you have done for me and my girls. Going thru a divorce is not as easy as it looks, but I have been blessed by the Lord and it has been pretty easy thus far. We have hit some bumps in the road, but with the help of our Heavenly Father and our Savior we got through them and will be able to get through anything.

She did it!!!

So when we moved into my sister's house and since the day Bethanie got a big bed, we have had big problems with her staying in her own bed. She would come into my room and want to sleep in my bed. Well that really doesn't work for me, I don't sleep and she does! Go figure. So when we moved into Nichole's house I made Bethanie a kiss promise that if she could stay in her own bed for so many days, I would take her to Build -a-Bear and she could make a animal. Well She Did It!!!!!! So yesterday I took her to Build-a-Bear and she got her animal. We had so much fun stuffing, bathing, and dressing her TURTLE. She named her turtle Crush like the turtle off of Finding Nemo, even though crush is a boy in the movie! This Crush is a girl and Bethanie loves the fact that she got Crush and now we all call her a BIG GIRL for sleeping and staying in her own bed!!!! Take a look at the pics! Love you all and thanks for all your help!

The pumpkin patch!

So we deiced to hit the pumpkin patch tonight and boy did we have fun. I thought it was going to be cold, but as the sun set it was actually warm. We went to the Mabey Pumpkin Patch in South Jordan. These people have a great view of the Jordan River Temple. Anyway, we got our pumpkins and took some pics. I thought I would share 'em. Have a great and safe Halloween to all.

Things that you give up!

I was trying to get Bethanie to bed this evening before the Season Premiere of Eli Stone on ABC. We got to bed at 8:25 and Bethanie says to me, "Mom, I am hungry!" So off to the kitchen we went to get some cereal or what Bethaine calls a 'Bedtime Snack' As we ate and then had fam prayer with my sis and her fam, 9:00 came fast. As I went down the stairs to get Bethanie to bed, my sister says "Oh, the things we give up for our kids!" It really mad me think.....Do we as mothers and wives really do give up the things we like for our families. Now some of you may say, 'Well, you chose to be a mom, so there ya go', but I feel differ. Yes I became a mother and a wife, but do I have to loose myself too. Well I say no. I look at the past few years of my life and wonder, Did I let myself and what I want go? Maybe, but now I am going to get that or whatever I feel I lost back. I have started working. Yes it may not be by choice, but I don't think I would change it for nothing. I love doing what I do and no I don't feel bad that my kids have to go to the sitter. I went to college to teach and I feel that this is the closest I may ever get to teaching. I look at my sister, Nichole, (sorry to use u as a example) but I see how she has changed now that her children are a lot older than mine and pray that I can be like her. She has this attitude of What about me and my needs. She is a great mother and she loves her kid to death, but she is right. We put our kids first before ourselves, for whatever the reason, for so long and sometime in life we need to get that back. Good Job sis, way to set the bar!!! Now I am not saying that she doesn't care for her kids or that they are a problem, but she puts herself first too. So the next time you want to buy that shirt or you next 'Sex in the City' outfit, go for it and don't look back!!!

(This is a pic of my sister Nichole in Las Vegas at some Elvis wall. She loves Elvis)