Venting!

So I never wanted this blog to be a place to be rude to someone or to through out all my probs or to gossip or to do whatever but talk about my girls and my life. Yes the is a but. I need to vent my thoughts before I explode! I am having the worst time being alone. I have a hard time thinking that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I know that I have fam and all that, but..........Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who totally loves you with all their HEART and has you placed on a silver platter? Now don't get me wrong, I would rather be dead then be with PJ, but that fear of being alone is in my mine. I look at other couples and see the love that they have for their spouse, and I wonder what happened? I don't feel like I ever had that, well maybe the first year or so. And to think I stayed for 6 years after that. I love my girls and would never trade them for anything. They are the best thing I got out of those eight years. I hope that I will learn from this and realize that I will NOT give up myself and my needs. someone once told me "in order to love someone else you must first love your self!" I believe that is true and trust me that is what I am doing. Putting myself first this time!!! I look at all I have had to give up for this divorce; my friends, my great ward, Bethanie's dance and her BF, Nat, the opp to work at home, my health insurance, and I wonder what else is going to go bad..................but then reality hits me. I love my new job, Bethanie has good friends, the ward here is great (besides we don't go to church for friends or socialization) and Bethanie can go to dance anywhere. Life is good and the Lord has made everything just fall into place and I am going to cling onto that forever!!!