Wednesday, July 21, 2010

WOW...its been long!

I can't believe that it has been this long since I posted. Things have been good then bad then good again. I thought the roller coaster ride was over once I divorced PJ...NOT!!!! As the Carpenters sang..."Its only just begun..." So true! The last couple weeks have been pretty hard. We have found out that Bethanie might be lactose intolerant, Brookie has got to have eczema, and I have gone from 32 hour to 12. Can it get any worse? Maybe this is why I don't post...too much drama. I prefer to talk about good things not the bad....but whatever. On a good note...I have put myself out there and have gone to a lot of singles activities and have met some really AWESOME peeps! It reminds me of how it was when I was younger and single. We do have a blast and having single friends that KNOW what you are going through is so good. It has made me re-look at my life...I am not the only single mom/parent out there. Thanks to all of my new friends that have helped me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dear PJ

I just wanted to tell you that you are missing out on your children. If life ever got to be so busy that I couldn't see my kids...something would have to change! This is your life that you are letting pass you by...and for what? One day you will look back and see that your children's lives have blown you by and wonder Where was I? Too busy working, putting your needs first and the needs of others that aren't as important as your children first. This is your flesh and blood we are talking about; not some side work, someones wedding, a head ache, some girlfriend, over time, or whatever your excuses might be. You are missing out on water fights, dodge ball, Brooklyn talking, conversations with Bethie, bubble blowing, sidewalk chalk, imaginary friends, play dates with friends, the park, Holidays, BBQs, late night movies, Brooklyn eating dirt, Bethie learning to ride a two wheeler, cloud watching, "Dad, guess what?', hugs, kisses, family, bumps and bruises, Sunday drives, watching them play with a box like it is a rocket, coloring, seeing your shadow for the first time and moving just to see what it does, and most of all growing up. Its all about priorities and making the best of the time you have; whether it be 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, etc. It would be a cold day in hell for me to even think about missing the opportunity to be apart of their lives. Just remember that when they want nothing to do with you, don't come back on me saying that it was my fault...YOU have had all the chances, days, weekend visits, Holidays, vacations, time off work, etc to be there and YOU choose not to be there!


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Sick to my stomach!

The past few days have been pretty crappy for me. It all started Sunday and has progressed through today. I think I have lost one of my best friends. I have known this person for about 4 yrs. and have been able to be myself with this person. Something happened and now this person seems different. I needed someone to talk to this morning and when I texted this person, I never got a response. My grandma died last night and even though it is a good and happy thing, I am sad. PJ was a real jerk this morning when I called him this morning to talk to him about Saturday...the day of the Funeral.....and he was so rude. Lastly, I got chewed out at work, but not to my face! I am the type of person who eats when they get upset and I thought that I had learned to control that behavior! Well guess not! After a meeting at work today where I was the reason for the meeting.....I started to cry and couldn't stop. Once I could go to lunch, I hit the food. As I was eating lunch a friend says to me: "You know you will be sick later today!" I haven't eaten a Whopper since November of 2009 and I had one for lunch and she was right. I feel like I could throw-up! I continued when I went to get Bethie from the Hall's.... I had an ice cream, then two cookies, and then some candy. I am sooooo sick to my stomach right now that I could kick myself in the butt. Why do we do this stuff? Why can we do something that we know we will regret later on......

Monday, May 17, 2010

A reunion at last....21 yrs is a long time!!

I was not feeling myself todayand haven't been for a few days....really bad headache, cough, running nose, the I decided to stay home from work to get better. Ya right did that not happen. I was putting Brooklyn down for a nap and my phone rang. It was my mom and I wasn't going to answer it but something told me to. So I did and she says: "Just calling to tell you that Grandma is not good...she will probably not make it through the night. They have put her in her own room so if you want to come and say goodbye or see her before she goes that would be fine." I hung up the phone and just cried! The day wasn't good to begin with and that just made it worse.

Bethie has no school this week because of assessments and I had made arrangements for her to go stay with the Hall's in Bountiful but decided that if they could take her tonight, I would take her up there and go see grandma. Of course they were all over that...Bethie and Hailey are so close; the more time they get together the better off they are. So off to Bountiful I went and dropped her off and then headed to the rest home. When I got there my dad was standing outside waiting to take me to her room. I visited with my aunts and uncles, laughed about old times and remember the good. I decided that I better take off.....having Brooklyn there was kind of I said my goodbyes.

Grandma I love you more than words can say. Thank you for being a great grandma. I will always remember bear lake raspberries and vanilla ice cream, the white peach tree, the riding lawn mower, the many sleepovers waking to the smell of coffee brewing, and many many more memories. Remember to give Grandpa a huge hug for me and tell him I love and have missed him tons.

Grandpa its time...21 years is a long time to be away from your loving wife and companion. May the reunion be filled with tears of joy. She is ready to be with you and all those that have gone before her. Come and take her home!!

Monday, May 10, 2010

What a great family!

Years ago when PJ and I were married and moved to Bountiful (three streets down from his parents), his sister came to me and asked me if I would be interested in babysitting a little girl about 10 months old. I jumped at the chance to be able to stay at home and work. I set up a time for the parents to come and meet me and for me to meet their child. It wasn't a hard decision, on either side, to know that this was going to work. So we started watching a little girl named Hailey. We did everything together that summer, fall, winter, and spring. She was just like one of my own children. In fact I treated her just like my own daughter. We got really close with Hailey's parents and grandparents. Well a year came of watching her and her parents decided to move to Kentucky! I was heart broken...they had become like family and I was really sad to see them go. About four months later they came back and I insisted on taking her again. NO ONE else was going to watch my Haybug!!!! Long story short.....through all that has happened in my life they have been there with me and are still a big part of my life. Bethie and Hailey got so close while I watched her....just like sisters...that I could never tear them apart. They have one of those relationships that will last forever. I love her grandparents, Red and Michelle, as if they were my own parents. Hailey's parents, Heather and Anthony, are great as well. They are some of my closest friends and I love being with them.
Last Saturday we got together for a BBQ...come to find out it was a BBQ for my bday. We had sooo much fun. Michelle is a great cook and we always have awesome food. Heather helped Michelle make strawberry short cake from scratch and it was the best I had ever had. The girls get together sooo good and they played all day and night. They made some kind of soup out of Anthony's golf balls and played like they were getting attacked by alligators. We had a huge game of dodge ball with the girls and of course it was us against Anthony and needless to say we lost!! What great times! In fact, when we got in the car and were leaving Bountiful, Bethie says to me: "Mom aren't they the best friends ever?" and I agree. They are a great family and we are so blessed to have them in our lives. They will always and forever be apart of me and my girl's life!!

Look at these'd think they were divas!

Anthony teaching the girls to golf........

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I DID IT!!!!!!!

Well after 10 weeks of training........I DID IT!!!!! I ran the Race for the Cure on Saturday! Let me tell you how amazing it was to be there, especially with my sister Heather. I can now say that I have done it and will continue every year from now on! It was and is the most amazing feeling......and yes I cried at the end. I was so proud of myself! A friend said to me the night before, "who'd a thought that a year ago you would be doing this?" And she was right....I have come so far in the last 6 months or so. Thanks to everybody who believed in me and gave me the support I needed to accomplish this!! Thanks Sis for letting me run with are truly a great sister. I love you!

I wasn't sure how it was all going to go down, but once that gun went off for us to start.....I couldn't stop. I trained with a walk/run system and used that in the race. I started off with a brisk run and then implemented the walk/run system and finished in 41 minutes. At the end of the race I saw my girls, my parents, and my sister's fam., and yelled......I DID IT!!!!!! My emotions got the best of me when I saw my sister, who was only three mins. ahead of me, waiting with my family. I have never felt the feeling that I had at that moment before, and will cherish it the rest of my life!

Monday, May 3, 2010

I miss you today!

Since my separation and divorce to PJ, I really haven't been able to listen to the radio. PJ and I had pretty much the same taste in music. Anything from Country to The 80's to Nine in Nails to Andrew Bochelli (or however you spell his name). We hardly ever fought over it and loved to listen to it. In several of the places that we lived, he would have the sound system in two places of the house. One the main living area and the other usually in the bedroom. At one time we could listen to one thing in the bedroom and a differ thing in the living room. We would listen to it at differ times of the day; like cleaning the house or just to relax.
It is hard for me to really listen to the radio or really any kind of music. I had friends put cds with songs of girl power or men bashing together, in fact I own two PINK cds and play them over and over and over. They don't seem to work as good as I thought they would, but oh well. My girls like to have music played at bedtime and when I am laying there with Brooklyn and hear the music, my mind wonders and I seem to think of PJ and for some odd reason today I miss him!