Therepy and much much more

So life in the fast lane was great for me...I got divorced, headed back into the work force, sent my youngest to daycare, my oldest started Kindergarten, and I moved in with family. Life seemed to be just great. I keep really busy and a lot of the thoughts I had just seemed to go away and stay hidden. Well when you keep things bottled up and thoughts hidden....it eventually comes to the top of that bottle and bursts. Around December that is what happened to me...things that I had bottled up inside came out and I was a train wreck. I just went crazy with all this stuff and didn't know really were to go or how to handle it. I locked my family out, my friends, my kids, and the whole world. So I went to my parents and asked them what they thought about me going to see a therapist. The decision was made and off I went.

Let me tell you that doing that was the best thing I have done for myself since my divorce. It brought out a lot of anger, hate, and emotions that I didn't even know I had. It showed me how not to hold a grudge and to not keep things inside and to forget about the past. I found out how to handle the rough things in life. I have found out how to get myself back and to own myself and to not let someone else own me. I am at rest with what has happened in my life and I know that I did try my best and I did all that I could. Yes it is sad and I will have that sadness in my life, but I know how to not let it take me. I have forgiven, not only myself, but PJ for all that has happened and I am now putting myself forward and first.

I recently got a comment on my blog that sparked a little conversation.....it must of been from Heavenly Father telling me that I could handle what came my way or as one person said: "thanks for being mature about it!" I ventured outside the box and made a decision that effects me and my little family in a way that I thought might cause a problem, but it didn't. I, along with others, have decided that it is important for the girls to know who they are and to know their other family.

So last night and more nights to come I took the girls to see their cousins and family on PJ's side. I have done it before, but the effect of that caused problems and I decided not to do it again. But now with what I have from my therapy and knowing the fact that the divorce just didn't happen to me, I changed my mind. I gave certain conditions when deciding this and all parties were good with the conditions. I was really nervous to go, but it was actually a really good visit. Thanks Heidi and Josh for opening your home and allowing the girls to come and have a relationship with you and your cute family. I know with all my heart that this will be good for the girls. They have every right to know that part of their lives and am grateful for the opportunity to do so.